What Does Our Hatred of PDA Tell Us About the Moment We’re Living In?

My partner and I were slowly walking through London the other day, hand in hand, when it hit me: Oh, God, we’re that couple. You know the one I mean. The couple who takes up the whole sidewalk like some sort of four-armed beast because they can’t untangle themselves for even two seconds. The couple who always has to have their limbs touching for some reason, like they’re evolving into a human fence. I’m sure we make out in public too sometimes, when waiting for trains or reading in the park. I wonder whether anybody has ever fantasised about tripping us, whether anyone has felt a sting of irritation and thought: Okay, but is that really necessary?

PDA, or public displays of affection, is generally held to be cringe and annoying. This is true even—or maybe especially—when it comes to celebs. Remember when Timothée Chalamet and Lily-Rose Depp ardently made out on a yacht in Capri, and everyone was like, “Please, God, why?” Then there’s Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, who, since reuniting in 2021, have engaged in some heavy-handed PDA on the red carpet (and at Lakers games, and at family dinners at Nobu, and at Dunkin’ Donuts…) to the general outrage of Twitter.

I understand why people find aggressive PDA annoying—particularly when it’s happening right in front of them. If two people are groping each other on public transport at rush hour, it feels like a violation. (I would never do that.) Plus, the sound of other people snogging can make your skin crawl. I’ve had to turn the volume down on Love Island when a couple kisses for the first time, right into the mic. Disgusting.

Still, despite knowing that plenty of people find PDA gruesome, I can’t help it. I like to be affectionate and—unless I’m in a less queer-friendly area—I often forget about my surroundings. I haven’t always been this way. Growing up, visible romance wasn’t normalized in my family. We were affectionate with each other in our own way, and plenty of us had partners, but there was a privateness and self-awareness about it. I wouldn’t have sprawled across my boyfriend or girlfriend on the sofa while watching TV with my family. I wouldn’t have given them a casual kiss on the cheek in the kitchen.