Should you be besties with your children? At least 2 experts say no

Sara-Jayne Makwala King speaks to writer – Lisa Joshua Sonn, and Daniel den Hollander – clinical psychologist.

Raising children in a constantly evolving world where the rules often change can be hard work. And figuring out the balance as the relationship changes can prove tricky.

So, should you aspire to be your child’s friend?

While experts agree that you should be friendly with your children, they agree that becoming besties with them carries some risk.

We sometimes have to be careful…what are we taking away from them….boundaries, rules and the guidance and you end up confusing your child.

Daniel den Hollander, Clinical Psychologist

Den Hollander says trying to be your child’s friend says more about you than it does about your children.

Are you doing this for the benefit of the child, or to succumb to one of your needs?

Daniel den Hollander, Clinical Psychologist

Writer and mother of four, Lisa Joshua Sonn, agrees.

It does not work out well. I’ve seen parents have braais and drink with their children. Sometimes the children are underage or they buy liquor for them or they buy vapes. For me that’s not cool. I think it’s cool to have boundaries…to have a few non-negotiable rules.

Lisa Joshua Sonn, Writer

Sonn says rules are important as children learn they will be held accountable for their actions later in life.

And according to den Hollander a parent’s job is to guide their children towards adulthood.

But that does not mean they won’t develop their own personalities and opinions, which he says makes the
the turbulent teens, when parents and children are more likely to butt heads, an important part of growing up.

The reason for that is because at some point they must be able to have their own ideas and their own thoughts.

Daniel den Hollander, Clinical Psychologist

This article first appeared on CapeTalk : Should you be besties with your children? At least 2 experts say no