His story: My mother is my confidant and she has been with me through thick and thin. I have always told her everything and she has become that friend I always wanted. But my wife has some major issues with that. So what if I tell and discuss everything with my mother? In her family, there is a different atmosphere, the rules are very different. They keep privacy on the pedestal but ours is an open home where we do everything together! So what is so difficult to understand? We keep fighting over this and now it has become a major issue in our marriage.
Expert advice by Mrs Hina Beg, Solution Therapist: This is a very common reason why families have a stressful bond. There are both girls and boys who share everything with their mother. In a relationship, this however can be overwhelming especially if the relationship is new. When a man goes and shares everything discussed with his mother then it may create a situation that has the power to break or make the bond. Let us dive a bit into what is the negative, positive side of it and how to deal with it.
Negative side
A little thought maybe from his mother’s side. The negative side of this is obvious. The trust and privacy the couple need and expect in a way is not prevalent. The constant sharing may weaken the trust between the girl and the boy. It may lead to anger, insecurity, frustration, on and off arguments, complaints, miscommunication etc. At times, this may also lead to the relationship being in a position where the girl is even questioning herself. If this situation is not handled with maturity the togetherness is sour and tense.
Positive side
The positive side needs a broader understanding. Use this channel of communication for yourself. It can help strengthen the bond between you and your partner and you and your mother-in-law. The fact that he communicates everything should also answer your query about how to deal with or what to do in this new home regarding any particular custom, rituals or situation. Creativity and patience will make your life easier.
Solutions to having a peaceful atmosphere are to be patient. You may try a few things. Not every solution fits everyone. Observe how you know everything is shared completely? What happens once it is shared? For a month do not complain, say anything ill about anyone just invest your time in sharing good, positive and happy conversations. Build your relationship with love and laughter. Do not invest your time in pondering what is shared and what is not. Appreciate your mother-in-law, that is important. Slowly with time, you will see that not everything is shared. Be there with him for yourself. Your thoughts to build a bond with love will make you a happier person.
The mother’s side
It is natural that most moms want to know what is happening in their son’s (or daughter’s) life, be it any age. Maybe he goes and shares as he was raised like that and it’s okay for him. The mother wants to make sure he does not get hurt by anyone. Maybe he is very emotional. He may have been betrayed before. She may want your relationship to be good and long-lasting hence maybe just listen and advise him. It could also be possible that she may be tough on you due to her own experience. She may have not been appreciated before. So, looking at the dynamics one needs to explore what one can do. A marriage counselor, a trusted friend or a family member common to both may be of help.
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