“No chance you’re awake, is there?” His words lit up my phone somewhere around 6 a.m. I saw them when I woke up fresh-faced and smug after an early night at 8 a.m. My stomach flipped. But it was also one of those rare scenarios where I knew exactly what I was supposed to do next.
Although we’d spoken a little here and there, this man and I hadn’t actually seen each other for a few years. Given the timing, it was likely that he’d been up all night and was still drunk. Also, I was probably the fifth person he’d texted this exact message.
With all this in mind, the only reasonable response was to ignore him completely and go back to sleep. I had far too much self-respect to even entertain the prospect. It was insulting, degrading, and, frankly, a little embarrassing he thought he could pull this off. What an arrogant asshole.
A few hours later, I was in that arrogant asshole’s bed.
In 2023, booty calls aren’t something we hear much about. Even the phrase itself feels archaic, a rhetorical relic that exists exclusively in out-of-touch comedies from the aughts and the dinner party conversations of baby boomers. But the act itself is still very much a core tenet of modern-day sexual expression.
In short, a booty call consists of arranging a one-off sexual encounter. It’s casual, flippant, and almost always coordinated at an ungodly hour. Often associated with the phrase “You up?” (yes, I’m fully aware this is practically a carbon copy of the text I received), it can be metabolized in a multitude of ways depending on your relationship status, sexual confidence, and overall sense of self-worth.
In the canon of sexual escapades, it’s the booty calls that often provide the most salacious stories. You know, the ones you’ll be forced to regurgitate to your bored married friends, who’ll share them at the school gates and thank you for keeping them young. The more debauched and X-rated they are, the better. And ever since the pandemic forced single people into an unprecedented period of celibacy, it seems like these kind of encounters are happening more than ever.
This much was clear after I put a call out on my social media platforms for stories of people’s booty calls and was inundated with tales. There was the woman who booty-called two men at once in the hope of doubling her chances for sex that night, only to find that both arrived at the same time and wound up bonding over football. The gay man whose booty calls defined his single days and nights (“It just hit the spot”) until he got into a relationship. And the woman who booty-called an old flame, only to have fallen asleep by the time he’d arrived, leaving him stranded on her doorstep.
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