Why I can’t be like my mother – Times of India

Regardless of how much we love our mothers, most of us still don’t want to be like them. Just yesterday I sat down to think about why that is so. She was a working mother back when most mothers stayed at home. She was and still is a cleanliness freak. She ensures our house is always spic and span. She handled the kitchen, she handled her work, she handled us and all the chores a lady is expected to do. She still does with some help from my dad.
But I remember her outbursts too. Times when she would be tired of handling it all or would be too overwhelmed with work worries or our academic pressures. She was and is unrestrained too in many ways! She rarely minces her words, which often lands her in a foot-in-her-mouth situation. As we grew up, we would give her endless lectures on ‘Mumma, you don’t have to be so brutally honest about your opinions?’ ‘Mumma, you could have said it a little softly.” “Mumma, it’s ok to not voice out what you think all the time.”
While I always saw people hyping their kids in front of others, my mom never forgot to highlight what we did wrong and that embarrassed us to the core. But nothing we said ever changed her. In fact most of my friends remember her fondly because of the embarrassing stuff she has said about me in front of everyone! Often she says things for effect. She continues to speak her mind and a little more…
But she’s also the same person who has gone to extreme lengths to protect and guard us and our interests. When it was uncommon to see kids at workplaces, I remember accompanying her to her workplace and playing on her computer. Growing up, I actually felt like there’s nothing that could affect her! She was so bold, she was so perfect.
She’s always been such a perfectionist that when it comes to our routines, diet, hygiene, she has always had clear rules (which my daughters get away with many times). I was reprimanded by her in front of everyone for making my daughters ‘lose weight’ during the pandemic when she couldn’t meet (feed) them. And she made sure that my girls went to her house right after school thereafter so she could feed them.
So why don’t I want to be like my mother? It’s because while the whole world can judge her for being brutally honest, she never lets the world see her vulnerability. She is happy being seen as someone who is opinionated, but she will not let others take advantage of her or her emotions. And a lot of it has to do with her childhood. Youngest of six sisters, she was born in the 50s when having a girl child was considered unlucky. But her parents were too evolved for their time! They never ever let anyone shame them for having girls. Yet, she barely got much attention from her family. She was loved of course but never ‘shown’ it. She would often tell me that even if she didn’t eat for two days, her parents would not have noticed, they were so busy making ends meet. And I guess that’s what I am scared of. I want to express my love! I want to show my vulnerabilities! I may be strong but I am not as strong as her to not worry about judgements. And I guess there can only be ONE like her! Happy Mother’s Day mom!