A trans woman said bullies and drug addiction stopped her from realizing her gender for 27 years before moving states and coming out on LinkedIn.
Lilly Cantino, from Atlanta, Georgia, grew up as male and was teased for being ‘flamboyant’ and ‘fat’ throughout high school.
The 29-year-old claimed she never realized she was trans after becoming addicted to prescribed klonopin and smoking too much cannabis.
After a decade of heavy drug usage she moved to San Francisco in August 2020 to reduce her intake and go clean.
The 29-year-old claimed she never realized she was trans after becoming addicted to prescribed klonopin and smoking too much cannabis.
Once she was clean she realized she was trans after buying a wig and a dress from Target.
She now goes by the name Lilly – which she used to use to name her videogame characters – and came out on a LinkedIn post which received four million impressions.
Lilly pays $530 a month for medical insurance and medication, which paid for her $8,500 laser hair removal procedure and allows her to access hormones.
She is now saving up to have bottom surgery which can cost between $60,000 to $100.000.
Lilly Cantino, from Atlanta, Georgia, grew up as male and was teased for being ‘flamboyant’ and ‘fat’ throughout high school
After a decade of heavy drug usage Lilly (pictured) moved to San Francisco in August 2020 to reduce her intake and go clean
Once Lilly was clean she realized she was trans after buying a wig and a dress from Target
Lilly said: ‘It just felt awful – I hated my body and I hated myself. Gender dysphoria makes you feel a deep depression which is so tough to describe; life feels impossible.
The influencer explained gender dysphoria is when there is a mismatch between the body you’re born in and who you are.
She added: ‘I suffered a lot of bullying about being overweight. I hated my life. I was physically and emotionally abused.
‘The bullies made up a pet name called “Chad” and would say “you have fat tits”, they would tell me to take my shirt off and dance.
She now goes by the name Lilly – which she used to use to name her videogame characters – and came out on a LinkedIn post which received four million impressions
Lilly pays $530 a month for medical insurance and medication, which paid for her $8,500 laser hair removal procedure and allows her to access hormones
‘I was the butt of a lot of jokes so I had to be someone else.’
Although Lilly decided to lose weight when she was 14 and moved to Macalester College, Minnesota, aged 18 she still denied her identity.
She added: ‘Funnily enough it is a progressive school, there is a queer and trans community and it’s very liberal,’ she said.
‘It would have been very easy for me to come out but I was deep in the lie and I actively tried to pretend I’m not that.
She is now saving up to have bottom surgery which can cost between £50k and £100k
‘I was a bit of an a**hole. I was trying to convince myself I was better than that. I even remember saying to a therapist that trans people weirded me out.’
Lilly self-medicated by smoking a lot of cannabis and was prescribed benzos which she became dependent upon.
She said: ‘I was prescribed a benzos for 17 years for sleep-walking and it zombified me.
‘I had to wean my way off it as if you come off it instantly, it can kill you. I have been sober from weed and benzos for almost three years.
Lilly said she hated her body and I hated herself before adding that gender dysphoria makes you feel deeply depressed
She said she suffered a lot of bullying at school for being overweight and claimed she was physically and emotionally abused
‘I was deep in active addiction throughout my twenties and once I was able to have a level head, conversations started within me.’
When Lilly went sober she started going to cosplay events and began to question why she felt so good in dress-up and wearing bras.
Lilly did not realize she was in the wrong body until she ditched drugs and left the south and moved to San Francisco in August 2020.
She said: ‘As I was leaving the south, it felt like a weight was lifting. I instantly started thinking about going to Target and getting that dress.
‘I went to Target and bought a dress that looked like something out of Little House On The Prairie and put on a wig.
‘I needed a little more convincing and then put on a black t-shirt dress and thought wow.
‘It was a bittersweet moment because I thought there’s something here, it’s the answer to my emptiness and loneliness, I’ve been living a lie.
‘I kept it a secret and I would try on clothes and makeup – it was a cocoon and I was figuring it out on my own.’
Lilly self-medicated by smoking a lot of cannabis and was prescribed benzos which she became dependent upon
By December 2020 Lilly was sure of her true identity and knew her name instantly.
She said: ‘Like many trans people, I’d been playing videogames for years and I would always pick girls and call them Lilly.’
She gained a mentor, a trans woman in 2020 called Eve who helped her to discover herself and answer any questions she had.
In October 2021, she told her best friends Deborah and Jake on a trip to Atlanta.
By December 2020 Lilly was sure of her true identity and knew her name instantly
She said: ‘I remember being so nervous, I said ‘let’s go out for some drinks’.
‘I remember being tipsy and saying that I might be trans – I pulled my shirt over my head into a non-existent shell.
‘Deborah said ‘we love and support you’ and it was liberating. It made it so much easier to tell the next person.’
Her brother Gabe, 23, discovered Lilly was trans after she had changed her gamer tag to ‘Lillytino’ and spotted her hair-less arms on video chat.
She gained a mentor, a trans woman in 2020 called Eve who helped her to discover herself and answer any questions she had
Gabe simply asked Lilly: ‘Do you want me to call you Lilly?’
Next she came out to her parents Patrick, 58, and Nina 64, who she was slightly more apprehensive about telling.
She said: ‘I told them on video chat and immediately they said we love and support you.
‘They’re older so it’s been a learning curve, but they’ve sought out resources to learn.’
After coming out to her brother she came out to her parents Patrick, 58, and Nina 64, who she was slightly more apprehensive about telling
Patrick is a GP who now works in a trans-inclusive health centre.
Lilly came out to the world in an unusual way when she posted on LinkedIn: ‘Hey, my name is Lilly and I use she/her,’ alongside a photo of herself in January 2022.
According to the influencer, she received four million impressions and businesses have now reached out to her for advice on how to be trans inclusive and started LillyContino Consulting LLC.
Lilly started wearing dresses and make-up and was prescribed the hormones spironolactone in May 2021, a male hormone suppressant, progesterone and later oestrogen.
She added: ‘Taking progesterone helps the boobs and my emotions run hotter. I cry a lot better now.’
Lilly worries for trans women who don’t have insurance to pay for hormones, and says many are resorting to buying hormones off the black market.
She added: ‘There is a global shortage of oestrogen and progesterone right now.’
Over the next few years Lilly hopes to have transfeminine bottom surgery.
She said: ‘I was slowly dying before and now I am alive. I’m excited to keep talking about trans inclusivity and helping people to come out.’
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