We’ve all been waiting patiently for the new (and final) season of Succession to hit, and hit it did, premiering on Sunday with a bang and reminding me why I’ve devoted such a significant portion of my limited brain space to understanding the intricacies of Roy family drama.
There was plenty to group-text frantically about in Succession’s Season 4 premiere, from Cherry Jones’s migraine to Shiv’s drawstring-pants outfit to Naomi Pierce’s Princess-Diana-on-holiday makeover, but it’s probably best to just let the show speak for itself. Without further ado, here are the best lines from last night’s episode of Succession, ranked:
1. “She’s brought a ludicrously capacious bag. What’s even in there? Flat shoes for the subway? Her lunch pail?”
I want Tom to do purse reviews for this website.
2. “Marcia’s not here. She’s in Milan, shopping, forever”
Kerry’s flat delivery here makes this line a standout for me.
3. “The Hundred is Substack meets Masterclass meets The Economist meets The New Yorker”
And with those 13 simple words, we realized that Kendall and his siblings’ website was going to fail.
4. Roman referring to Logan’s “big omelet nipples”
This line will live in my head for the rest of time, and I’m not happy about it.
5. “You look tired, and your face is giving me a headache.”
Nobody can ether you like your sibling, as Shiv continually learns at Roman’s hands.
6. “She’s a firecracker, man. She’s crunchy peanut butter”
I love Greg’s attempt at locker-room talk after sleeping with she of the ludicrously capacious bag.
7. “Where’s all your kids, Uncle Logan?”
Don’t ask Greg to roast you, because he will.
8. “Tell her you could hear her better if she took Dad’s cock out of her mouth”
This beautifully filthy line is particularly good because Roman actually repeats it to Kerry on the phone after Shiv says it, which is as close as the Roys get to family bonding.
9. “Oh, butter my beanpole!”
We love you, Karl.
10. “Let a thousand sunflowers bloom, Romey.”
There has never been a more Kendall Roy moment than him trying to express solidarity with his brother and excitement about their new business venture by misquoting Mao Zedong.
11. “Yeah, we gave it a go.”
Wistful divorced Tom is my favorite Tom.
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