Swipe for Love: “I actually googled ‘how do you know when you’ve met the one?’ after meeting Varun” – Times of India

Did you ever think you will find love online?

Nicole: I had previously dated someone whom I met online, and I have several friends who formed successful long-term relationships from online dating, so I knew that finding love online was possible. At the time that I met Varun, I wasn’t necessarily looking for love–I was just looking to meet people in a new city. But we don’t get to control when we meet the person who we fall in love with.

Varun: I had never previously been in a relationship with someone who I met online. I was never against the idea of finding love online, but I did not enter online dating super seriously, because I thought the probability of finding “the one” was very low. However, when I met Nicole, it felt like a very natural first date, rather than having simply met someone online. As Nicole said, you don’t choose when things like this happen, they just do.

How is online dating different from finding love around you?


Nicole: With online dating, there are seemingly endless options, which can be both good and bad. You can find someone to chat with or go on a date with, but again it’s easy to waste time and energy on people who aren’t a good fit.

Varun: The way online dating is different from conventional dating is that if you go on a date with someone you’ve met online, you both know there is an initial attraction there because you both “liked” or “swiped right” on each other. In the real world, unless you’re a very confident person, it can be hard to be upfront about your interest in another person or find ways to show that.

What are some of the things you don’t like when dating online?


Nicole: “Ghosting” after we have been on a date. Your attraction to someone online might not always translate to real life once you meet them in person, but it’s so much more considerate to kindly tell them you’re no longer interested, as opposed to leaving them waiting for a text back.

Varun: People who post misleading photos were my biggest online dating pet peeve. Aside from that, there was nothing really specific that I didn’t like.

Were you putting up your perfect side while dating online or via texts? Or were you your true self?


Nicole: At first, yes, my “perfect side” was definitely up. After chatting with Varun for a few hours on our first date, I felt very comfortable. By the end of our second date, I felt like I could completely be myself around him.

Varun: Before meeting Nicole in person, I was definitely putting up my “perfect side” and trying to play it up as much as I could. After meeting her in person on our first date, I felt very comfortable just being myself. I remember dropping the fake act very quickly!

Can you tell us what your dating bio was about?

Nicole: It’s been about 5 years, so the details are a little fuzzy, but I had a lot of photos that I felt confident in and I also talked about being a scientist in my bio.

Varun: I think my online dating bio was just a few facts about me because I believe in being upfront and honest. I also had things that interest me the most (like football and science) because I wanted to convey that I am passionate about my interests.

Is connecting over online dating apps as exciting as meeting someone in a physical space?


Nicole: Before meeting in person, no. I usually had multiple “matches” I was talking to at once, so it was hard for any particular match to feel special. I also knew from past experience that sometimes online matches that seemed great were not a good connection once we met in person, so I didn’t let myself get too excited about anyone before meeting them in person. However, the excitement of a great first date (like my first date with Varun) for me was just as strong whether I met the person online or in person. In fact, by the time I decided to meet the online person in real life, I had usually already been talking to them for a while and knew a lot about them, which made good first dates even better.

Varun: For an average guy (like me) it’s always exciting to get a match, let’s be honest. During the initial stages of dating, I’m always an introvert until I get comfortable. For me, not having the pressure of worrying about my voice, how I look, or all the things I would be concerned about when trying to express interest in someone in-person, made the process easier and more exciting.

What drew you to your partner online?


Nicole: Varun was very witty and with both of us being in grad school, I felt like we were in the same place in life. It is necessary to be on the same page when you are looking for love and commitment. I also of course thought that he was very attractive and gave me good energy.

Varun: I found her very attractive and I thought she came off as confident and independent which is something I value highly. She also had her bio which was really well organised, and easy to read—this is a very niche thing to point out but I really appreciated that.

Did you come across any fake profiles or false identities online?


Nicole: I did come across some fake profiles but I think I was cognisant about not interacting with them. I think most people try to be genuine but if you see someone with what looks like stock photos, run the other way!

Varun – I don’t think I came across fake profiles that much but this was back in 2016. I’ve heard stories in 2022 where people have been texting bots for two months without even knowing! I think most apps these days have security regarding that but always verify if you can independently.

Was it love at first sight when you both met or did you take your time to get to know your partner?


Nicole: I think Varun was the best first date I’ve been on. This might be cringy, but I actually googled “how do you know when you’ve met the one?”. I’m a scientist and I don’t necessarily believe in “love at first sight” but sometimes you just know and get that gut feeling!

Varun: For me, everything just felt easy and the way a healthy relationship should be. I don’t believe in “love at first sight” either but what I do know is that we both were putting effort into the relationship because we wanted to spend more time together. So in hindsight, I guess you can say it was love at first sight, we just didn’t know it.

Do you think taking chances or ‘leap of faith’ was important to get where you are right now?


Nicole: Absolutely. Every relationship requires that in some way. When we first started dating, Varun had to move back to Boston to finish his grad school program for 5 months. Going Becoming long-distance early on in a relationship isn’t ideal and you have to be willing to put some blind trust into it.

Varun: I think yes, when you develop an interest in someone, whether it be online or in person you are taking a leap of faith anyway. We do that in most aspects of our life when we face something exciting and new and for me, this is no different. In retrospect, I am very glad that I met Nicole!

Read also:
Swipe for Love: “Online dating came to my rescue as I am an introvert who couldn’t muster the courage to talk to a girl”

Read also:
Swipe for Love: “I was very optimistic about finding love online”