‘I’m very much addicted to a survival narrative’: Paramore’s Hayley Williams isn’t limiting herself anymore | CBC Radio

Hayley Williams was just 15 when she co-founded the hugely influential band Paramore in 2004. Since the release of its debut album, All We Know Is Falling, the band has undergone several lineup changes with Williams as the only consistent member on each of its records. After the release of Paramore’s 2017 album, After Laughter, the band decided to take a hiatus.

Now, Paramore is back with its sixth studio album, This Is Why, and it’s experiencing an unusual resurgence, partly thanks to a new generation discovering its music. The band’s current lineup includes Williams, guitarist Taylor York and drummer Zac Farro (who had left in 2010 before returning for After Laughter).

In an interview on Q with Tom Power, which has been edited for length and clarity, Williams explained why now is the time to get the band back together, and opened up about some of the challenges she’s experienced as a female lead singer in the pop-punk scene.

How are you?

Hi! Oh, I’m great. I’m nervous⁠ — just my brain is going in a million directions, but I’m good. Thank you for having me.

It’s a joy to have you. Why are you nervous?

Oh, dude, it never gets easier! You could put out a million records, and I would hope that I would still have nerves on the millionth album. It’s all of your heart and soul and a lot of time and energy that goes into it, and then you just kind of hand it to people to take care of it. So here’s hoping that they receive it well.

Are you extra nervous because of the break? Like, I should say for people, it’s been five years off — no Paramore record — and now a new Paramore record.

I think so because, you know, if you’re not paying attention it could be surprising. But watching how much the industry can change — and the world, you know, culture, whatever — five years is a really long time, especially if you’re using the internet as any sort of gauge.

Can you tell me why now after five years?

That’s a really good question. Zac says that I just DM’d him on Instagram one day. I mean, we were all quarantined. We hung out a little bit because we were in each other’s bubbles, obviously.… I DM’d him and I was like, “I’m ready” — and that’s all I said. And he was like, “All right, I feel like that probably means we’re back at it.”

So the next thing we know, we’re, like, holed up at this studio in East Nashville, which is kind of like the hip part of town, and thank God, Day 1, we get in and we write something that surprised us. And I think “surprise” is the key word because, you know, to make things that you’re comfortable making and that you feel good about is one thing, but to really surprise yourself after 20 years of us writing together is — man, it’s such a comfort because you’re like, “Oh, all right! I still have some things in me worth exploring.” Like, there’s still more to figure out. And I think that’s the best part of being creative.

I understand that part. When you’re together for 20 years, if you started making songs that didn’t creatively excite you or they felt like the old stuff, that wouldn’t be as fun — that wouldn’t keep you going. What I don’t understand is the “I’m ready.” Where did “I’m ready” come from?

I really missed being in the room with both Zac and Taylor. The way that Paramore has sort of been like a catalyst in all of our lives for every type of growth — it doesn’t have to be artistic — I think it’s kind of been the vehicle — it’s how we get to places. It’s how we see the world. It’s like our lens.

I think I missed that. I was home a lot. I’d done two solo records, and I think I did those to prove to myself that I could do it, and to hell with whatever people have said about Paramore and it being a glorified solo act. I wanted to show people that, actually, me doing a solo thing probably sounds a lot different than Paramore — and it did. But then I just missed being in my home, you know? And creatively, Paramore is my home. And thankfully, I wasn’t the only one that felt that way because maybe then it wouldn’t have happened. But all three of us were like, “Yeah, it feels right.”

I think I’ve limited myself because it scares me what people are going to say about the band or about me character-wise.– Hayley Williams

I can hear that, like, the “I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks about us” of the record. Because I think that the opening line is something like “You can take your opinion and you can shove it” — is that the opening line?

I mean, basically, yes. “If you have an opinion, maybe you could shove it.”

But am I reading into that, Hayley? That felt, to me, like a very intentional opening line.

Now that you’re saying all this, I’m kind of realizing for the first time that the album opens with that line and then it closes with a song called Thick Skull, which is the first song that we wrote.

I’m reflecting on a lot of years of having people’s opinions projected on me, the band going through several iterations — literally just friends going through friendship drama and breaking up and getting back together. And a lot of the times, I got the brunt of that. I think it’s easy for a lead singer to kind of be, you know, the scapegoat. But especially being a female and kind of coming up in the time that we did, there was just a lot of stuff that I’ve held onto that’s been really, I think, kind of limiting for me.

I think I’ve limited myself because it scares me what people are going to say about the band or about me character-wise. I don’t know, you see people say shit like, “It’s the Hayley Williams Show” or whatever.… The subject matter of Thick Skull is like: what if all of that was true? Would it even matter?… So it’s nice to hear you talk about, in context, that’s how the album starts and then that’s also, in a way, how the album ends.

I feel like that comes up in C’est Comme Ça. Tell me about that song.

Oh, God. Well, first of all, the wanderlust when you’re stuck quarantining at home is very serious. Especially when a lot of my life has been spent travelling for my job — and we don’t even get to see much, just green rooms. I couldn’t stop thinking about the time we’ve spent in Paris — also Montreal — but this one in particular is just about the process of getting help, getting better, kind of deciding that the status quo or just simply surviving is not enough.

I’m very much addicted to a survival narrative. My story in my own life — the women in my family are survivors. I’m thinking mostly of domestic assault, emotional and physical and mental abuse. And you know, I am my mother’s only child, and she’s such a heroine to me. She’s so heroic and so brave and smart. And I think on the good side, it’s like, I want to be like that. On the bad side, I think my mom wants me to have a better life than she’s ever had, you know? So being addicted to a narrative of survival is quite limiting also.

I don’t know what that means — being addicted to a narrative of survival. Can you help me understand that a bit better?

I got home after we toured After Laughter and I decided to get help. I knew I was struggling mentally, and it was kind of getting dark, and I knew it was time to take it seriously. So I got diagnosed with depression and PTSD.… I grew up thinking, “Oh, well, [PTSD] is something for people that have been in combat.” But I think we all have — whether they’re micro- or bigger types of traumas in our daily life — it can be easy to get used to the stress of that.

I’ve had to make a lot of changes in my life to kind of regulate my nervous system and to slow myself down because I got a lot going on. I like doing a lot of things and being involved in a lot of things, but sometimes you have to weigh what’s actually good for you.… But sometimes that idea of just being reckless is so romantic that people stay stuck.

For people who don’t know, Paramore has a sizable audience and you guys did really well when you started out. Now, this new generation has discovered the band. Why are you still here?

Well, I mean the simple answer, that probably sounds the most cliché, is it’s the fans.… They give us the opportunity; they give us the chance to prove our value to other people that then invest their money towards our cause so we can tour or so we can make a record. So it’s the fans really.

But I think beyond that — to get a little bit more emo about it — I think it’s our friendships. I think that Zac and Taylor and I, we need music. But more than that, we need each other and, in the context of this band, to continue to grow as people. It’s been such a catalyst. There’s been so many hard lessons we learned that, were we not in Paramore, we wouldn’t have even come across. So I feel like this is the seat that I have to, sort of, experience the world from. And I’m still curious, so we’re still going. We’re all still curious.

The full interview with Hayley Williams is available on our podcast, Q with Tom Power. Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.

Interview produced by Vanessa Nigro.