How Should Nancy Meyers Spend the $130 Million Budget for Her New Rom-Com?

When I heard that the budget for romantic-comedy empress Nancy Meyers’s upcoming Netflix film—which will reportedly star Scarlett Johansson, Owen Wilson, Penélope Cruz, and Michael Fassbender and begin shooting in Los Angeles in May—was estimated to be $130 million, I had only one question: Why not more?

Of course, I’d rather see that money applied to erasing kids’ lunch debts or something equally worthwhile, but since I’m pretty sure the Netflix entertainment budget is reserved for…entertainment, I’m extremely down for Meyers to receive this massive chunk of change (especially since the alternative is it being reallocated to the white-cishet-man-directed superhero movie du jour). I’m no line producer, but I do have some ideas about how this budget could be used to maximize the Meyers-ish-ness of the final product. Read them below:

$10 million: On-set assistants’ salaries

Whatever these hardworking Hollywood gofers are making, it isn’t enough, and I can personally attest to this as a former TV assistant (no, I never worked for anyone remotely terrible, but I did hear war stories).

$5 million: Everything Le Creuset currently manufactures

You can’t have a Nancy Meyers film without luxury kitchenware, of course; I can just see one of her relatably stressed-out protagonists clanging her limited-edition Le Creuset pots and pans together when her date is late for the seven-course dinner she’s making him.

$15 million: The most Santa Barbara house that has ever Santa Barbara-ed

My first introduction to the beauty of extremely lavish Southern California architecture came from Meyers’s films, and in tribute, my dream version of her latest project would reserve plenty of cash to rent out a house that makes the one from It’s Complicated pale in comparison (not an easy feat, it should be said).

$2 million: A rare cask of white wine at craft services

Yes, there’s a reason on-set catering normally doesn’t provide alcohol, but I think it’s time to dispense with that tradition. Meyers and her team work hard, and they deserve to make it wine o’clock while they set and reset.

$4 million: A cameo from Rihanna

Would it make sense within the world of the film? Probably not. Do I want to see her in a Nancy Meyers movie anyway, possibly toting her new babies? Yes. (Just think of the story possibilities! She could be a friend the protagonist meets at Mommy-and-Me swim class!)

$20 million: Every white turtleneck that has ever been produced in the history of garments

To quote Diane Keaton in Something’s Gotta Give, I’m just a turtleneck kind of gal.

Everything else: A blowout cast party for all the reliable Meyers-movie players

I want Meryl sunning herself on an inflatable raft! Diane giving craft seminars over piña coladas! Lindsay Lohan reprising her role as the twins in The Parent Trap, with the benefit of some extremely expensive cloning technology! Keanu serving everyone mini frozen pizzas in his boxers! Kate Winslet teaching tutorials on how to transform your home into an idyllic Cotswolds cottage, à la The Holiday! Everyone should go home from this party with a favor in the form of a white cashmere pavé-diamond-encrusted throw (and maybe the deed to a Hamptons house).