It’s been 40 years since Bryan Schimmel was Clinton Fein’s victim at high school. The pair are now friends who’ve created a presentation aimed at educating people about bullying.
Sara-Jayne Makwala King interviews Bryan Schimmel and Clinton Fein on Weekend Breakfast.
– Forty years ago, Bryan Schimmel was mercilessly bullied by Clinton Fein during their schooldays at King David High.
– Their own internal work has allowed them to become friends and collaborators, aiming to educate others about bullying and its devastating effects.
Monday marks the start of Anti-Bullying Week 2022 with the theme “Reach Out”.
Weekend Breakfast examines the scourge of bullying with two people who have intimate knowledge of being both perpetrator and victim.
Bryan Schimmel and Clinton Fein have developed a presentation that aims to educate people about bullying, tolerance, forgiveness and reconciliation.
Their story starts 40 years ago when Schimmel was mercilessly targeted by Fein during their school days at King David High in Linksfield.
Their collaboration is the fruit of a sincere apology from Fein and their resulting friendship.
Schimmel describes what he had to endure on a daily basis at high school.
Going in to school every day was filled with anxiety and tension about what was going to happen to me or who was going to come at me… whether I was going to be beaten about the playground or be called all kinds of names…
Bryan Schimmel
…or being made to feel ‘less than’. That’s how I remember school.
Bryan Schimmel
In an extract from a memoir which is in the works, Fein writes the following:
“I remember punching him – physically inflicting pain, as a deflection, foolishly deluded into believing that my bullying made me more of a man, not less.”
“So long as [it was on] Bryan, who was mercilessly mocked and branded with every anti-gay epithet under the sun, it wasn’t on me.”
Fein explains how he came to King David from another boys’ school where bullying had been rife.
“I think all schools have that bullying culture, especially an all-boys school.”
At the time the teenager was struggling with his own sexuality, and afraid of being identified and bullied because of it.
I thought that by attacking someone like Brian who I identified as vulnerable and weak and maybe even saw something in him that I saw in myself, and so targeted him… foolishly deluded into thinking that was a way to assert my masculinity.
Clinton Fein
Upon reflection, had I been his protector, that actually would have been a better way to assert my masculinity.
Clinton Fein
To this day people are horrified to hear that Fein actually was a teen bully.
“I only did it very strategically and selectively.”
The duo’s presentation looks at how people heal from the damage that is internalised for years after being bullied.
The constant experience of being bullied all the time manifested itself in later life in a complete lack of self-confidence, so for years afterwards I would always be apologetic… I cowered…
Bryan Schimmel
I ended up in a spiral of drug addiction and self-harm… Eventually I healed from that… Working through that is a choice.
Bryan Schimmel
He emphasises the importance of finding an ally when you targeted by a bully.
“Part of the work we are doing in our presentation is to not only say to people who are being bullied to find an ally but to also be an ally.”
“If you see someone in the playground who is being victimised don’t be a bystander and don’t be an enabler, because bystanding and enabling is as bad as being a bully.”
Schimmel says their ethos is not one of anti-bullying as such, because bullying is “inevitable”.
Instead of saying you shouldn’t, you mustn’t, you can’t… our point is that if you address bullying as a behaviour rather than as a label, you have the potential for harm reduction.
Bryan Schimmel
The presentation is titled “Fear/Freedom: A Confrontation Between a Bully and his Victim. Then and Now”.
Watch the promotional video below:
Scroll to the top of the article to listen to the in-depth interview
This article first appeared on CapeTalk : How an ex-bully and his victim have reconciled to spread an important message
For all the latest lifestyle News Click Here
