His story: I snore and I have been told before that I talk loudly in my sleep. I had thought that my wife would get used to it over time. I even suggested she gets ear plugs but she has been losing her cool over this. I have no control on this and going to an ENT can be very expensive because I think they may suggest surgery or something. My wife says she loses her sleep and once I even saw her crying. I don’t know what to do… by the looks of it, she seems to be ready to leave for her maternal home… I don’t know what to do, please suggest how do we solve this?
Vishal Bhardwaj, Founder and Relationship Coach, Predictions For Success:
An estimated 45 percent of adults snore occasionally, while 25 percent snore regularly; although the numbers make it look like a common issue, it’s very frustrating for your partner. And though many believe that you can get habitual of it, it just worsens with age. If not properly taken care of, it can create huge space and frustration between relationships because the person snoring feels that he/she doesn’t have any control so it’s not their fault while the other feels why she/he is suffering without their own mistake.
For Her: Good sleep is mandatory for every human and especially for working professionals with high mental stress already in their lives. You are right about raising this issue, However, you have to understand that it’s something that your husband has no control over and only a professional with patience can help. You should encourage your husband to visit the ENT, and while they go through the medication, you can use ear plugs and other related products in the market as suggested by the expert itself.
NOTE: If you will discourage or he will feel humiliated, it will create more fear of this issue in his mind which will further push him away from taking expert help.
For Him: Snoring not only affects the sleep of your partner but if ignored, can start affecting your sleep too. At an advanced stage, your snoring sound will start waking you up in the middle of night and will highly disturb your sleep cycle. You must visit the ENT as there are many stages of medication and you might not even need any surgery at all. It can also help you to detect any early signs of other medical conditions, so this can’t be ignored.
Most importantly, the expert can even suggest some good alternatives for your wife too which can give a much needed instant relief to her.
Dr. Maliha Hasham Sable, Psychotherapist and Founder & Director at Healthy Mind®:
Imagine having a new-born baby at home. Now, imagine how that will affect your lifestyle. There are many reasons causing a negative impact on our lifestyle. But, those reasons need a stronger solution, not an impulsive decision.
The question justifies the need to solve the situation leading to a negative impact over your relationship. But, here the situation talked about is one’s health.
The wife’s complaints are justified as per the environment, but the reaction is impulsive. However, she still has all the rights to think about herself. Yet, the problem in both the cases is ‘acceptance’, the wife should accept that her husband shall take time to adjust towards the changing environment as before the marriage there was no one who would bring this issue to his attention, but now that’s happening it’s getting difficult for him to accept it.
At the same time we are talking about being healthy. One should understand that sometimes ‘snoring’ can have the underlying medical conditions.
Being overweight, having nasal congestion, breathing through the mouth while sleeping, and using anything sedating before bed, like alcohol or medications, can increase the chances of snoring. Men are also more prone to snoring.
Hence, to rule out any unwanted possibilities. It’s necessary to visit a primary care doctor who can physically examine for any underlying cause, if necessary take the tests. There are alot of treatments that shall help with snoring, find out the options & then make the decision. Because, if there’s an underlying medical condition it might worsen with time, hence better late than sorry!
Until then, the wife can use noise-cancelling headphones or earplugs, for a better sleep. In addition to that, the wife can go to bed 15 minutes earlier than the husband. This will help in avoiding any interference that is causing the sleep deprivation. And yes, don’t let avoidable problems become the damage to your relationship.
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