His story: My wife is a cute cuddly kind of a person. I enjoy teasing her but I don’t do it to hurt her. I love her a lot. I keep commenting on her weight because I want her to be conscious about it. I have seen women around me get so complacent with their baby weight that they grow highly overweight. She fights with me that I body shame her but I don’t think I do that. We have been fighting a lot lately and I really need help.
AiR Atman in Ravi, Spiritual leader and Founder of AiR Institute of Realization and AiR Center of Enlightenment:
To Her: The key to success in any marriage is communication, respect and love. You need to express and tell your husband that it is disrespectful and unacceptable to call you pig, elephant or any name with an intent to body shame you when alone or in front of anyone else. You may have gained excess weight and you may be a bit overweight post-pregnancy, but it is normal and with a conscious effort you will surely lose the excess weight. However, it does not mean that anyone, even your husband can disgrace you. You have your own consciousness.
You yourself desire to lose weight. If you wish to lose weight, then you should take charge of your life and do the needful. There is no point in hating yourself because someone else disgraces you. You must realize that marriage is an institution that stands on the pillars of love, respect and communication. If any of these pillars fall weak, the marriage will crumble and break. Realize the importance of these factors, discuss with your husband and make him understand the difference between mockery, body-shaming and encouragement. All the best!
To Him: If you truly love your wife then you should restrain yourself from teasing, mocking and calling her names, alone or in front of anyone, because this can make her feel disgraced. Ultimately, it may lead to the destruction of your marriage. Marriage is an institution that is based on love, kindness, respect and communication. It is a strong relationship but also a delicate one, just like a glass. Once there is a crack in this relationship, it is very difficult to make amends. No doubt, she may have put on weight after pregnancy. Please do understand that pregnancy is a delicate time in a woman’s life. Your wife has undergone a lot of physical and emotional changes to bring a child safely into this world. You must care for her and respect her for the same. It is absolutely normal for women to gain weight on this journey.
You can be inspiring and motivating her to lose weight. Criticism and a demoralizing tone, instead of kindness and respectful words would never work as a positive solution for any problem. Understand her, care for her, talk to her that you are concerned about her health if she gains excess weight instead of mocking, teasing and calling out any kinds of names to her in private or public that may make her feel uncomfortable, embarrassed and unloved. After all, if you want your marriage to work, you have to respect each other. Your love must be for all the aspects – body, mind, heart and soul. Love for the skin is not true love; love should be for the one within.
Vishal Bhardwaj, Relationship Coach and Cofounder, Predictions For Success: A woman after the delivery goes through a lot, both physically and mentally. There are changes in her body shape, sleep pattern, diet, and overall mood swings and as I can see from the query, it has already started affecting her self confidence. This is the time when she is seeking emotional and physical support from her family, especially her partner. In this case, a casual mockery can deeply impact the psychology of the lady and it may have some serious long-term/permanent impact on her self-being.
For Her: Most women gain weight after delivery and it naturally has an impact on how you see yourself and the confidence you carry. However, it’s just a temporary phase and very soon with the right dietary plans and exercise, you can get back to your fittest form. So don’t take it more seriously than it deserves and rather start making small efforts for betterment. Also, you are absolutely correct that this, even if unintentional, is body shaming. You must openly talk to your husband about it and strongly oppose this.
For Him: Body shaming, even if unintentional and coming from a ‘cute’ background; is very hurtful for the person. Especially for women who have been going through postpartum depression. You should positively encourage her rather than pushing her to hate herself. You can start with some couple-exercise programs like zumba, any dance form, daily walks, swimming etc. This is how you will help her the most and will show your love and care for her.
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