His story/Her story: “My brother-in-law gives me creepy looks but my husband doesn’t care” – Times of India

Her story: When we married, I thought I was the luckiest daughter-in-law ever because everyone was nice to me. But everything changed last month. I keep our door closed when I am getting ready for work but this time I forgot. I was applying my makeup when I felt that someone was watching me. Without sudden reactions, I averted my eyes for a second and saw my elder brother-in-law peeping through. I acted like I had not seen him and the man did not leave until I picked up my laptop bag to leave. When I got back home, I felt his eyes on my back the entire time I was in the open kitchen. I told my husband but he brushed it off casually. Should I address this issue with my sister-in-law too? Will this ruin our family? I don’t know what to do because he is getting bolder.

His story: My wife is an attractive woman and all my cousins and brother tease me. Last month, my wife came to me and told me how my elder brother was giving her the creeps but she said something similar before about another person who was, in fact, gay and he was not at all interested in her. My wife has asked me to talk to my brother but if the accusations are false, it will ruin my relationship with not just bhaiyya but my bhabhi too. Is there any other way to solve this issue because my wife now seems more quiet and distant.

Expert advice by Vishal Bhardwaj, Founder and Relationship Coach at Predictions For Success

The beauty of a relationship remains untouched if trust becomes the codeword for both counterparts. If you love somebody, you should not hesitate to confront their fear, discomfort, and insecurities. Perhaps your trust makes your relationship more mutual and transparent.

To Her

Glad that you trust your instincts! If anyone makes you uncomfortable, no matter how respectful and dignified the person is, you have the right to take a stand against it. Given that you did notice your brother-in-law for minutes peeping through the door, it was more than your instinct. Kudos to your immense courage, you could confide the issue to your husband. However, we suggest you be a little patient with your approach.

You have to understand that your allegations are brought against somebody, who happens to be an inalienable part of your family. It will never be easy for him to believe your claims without thinking twice. Allow some time for your husband to process the entire happening. In addition to the way your husband will deal with it all, women have a way of drawing firm lines to avoid any uncalled-for interaction. For now, I would recommend that in case of repetition of such episodes, react and make the person in the situation aware that you did notice what they were doing. Guilt has a strong psychological power. You would not even have to get into allegations to curb his behaviour. Also, limiting your interaction with your brother-in-law will also keep him on his toes given his guilt and fear of being caught or called out for his behavior will always be high. Meanwhile, make your husband realize that your instincts do not lie and that you are very firm with your claims. Hope things will get better soon for you.

To Him

Here are certain things we would like to bring to the forefront. First of all, nobody is infallible in human life. Even if he is your elder brother, he could go wrong. Your wife should not pay a price for being beautiful. She is a human made of flesh, blood, emotion, and self-esteem. You can not objectify her by calling out her instincts. Another misconception we would like to burst is that stalking and staring would make anyone uncomfortable, irrespective of the sexual orientation of the opposite side.

The concept of sexual assault is no more confined to coercive physical activity. One’s lustful eyes are enough to make another uncomfortable, you have to comprehend. We know it is not easy for you to hearken things against your brother but you are the one who is on the receiving end of all these. You have to take a stand for your wife because she is your responsibility.

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