Tommy “Tommy Boy” Callahan looked at the grades his professor posted on the classroom door at Marquette University.
“D-plus? Oh my god … I passed! I’m gonna graduate!” he proclaimed. The titular character in 1995’s “Tommy Boy,” played by the late Chris Farley, was overjoyed.
It is a case study in doing the bare minimum to get by until future success can unfold. In the movie, the lovable but oafish Callahan just needed a passing grade to secure a job with his dad’s company. It is there that he shines and eventually saves the day, the company and the entire town.
D-plus happens to be the same grade ESPN senior writer David Schoenfield gave the Seattle Mariners this week while handing out April grades for all 30 MLB teams. However, his assessment lacks Callahan’s shocked jubilation.
“The gut feeling I get watching the Mariners — and I’ve watched them a lot — is that this isn’t a playoff team,” the veteran ESPN baseball analyst wrote.
Schoenfield points to poor performance and injuries, notably the Tommy John surgery that will sideline pitcher Robbie Ray for the season. It is unfamiliar territory for a team whose rotation stayed remarkably healthy during 2022.
Of course, the blame doesn’t rest solely on injuries for Seattle’s 13-16 record.
Vegas odds are pending, but the over/under on hell freezing over or Mariners fans missing the production of infielder Abraham Toro and outfielder Jesse Winker (both traded to Brewers in December) seemed pretty even at the start of the season.
However, second baseman Kolten Wong — acquired in the deal with Milwaukee — and outfielder A.J. Pollock have a combined 19 hits and three home runs in 124 at-bats prior to Wednesday’s game against the lowly Athletics. That’s not good.
Perhaps more head-scratching is the regression of All-Star outfielder Julio Rodriguez and infielder Ty France. Rodriguez’s .239 average and .743 OPS contrast starkly with his .284 and .853 line from a season ago.
He’s swinging at more pitches out of the zone and his hard-hit rate is down five percent over 2022, according to MLB.com.
France, meanwhile, has a .238 average and career-worst .352 slugging percentage.
The pieces around J-Rod and France haven’t picked up the slack either. Slow starts from catcher Cal Raleigh and outfielder Teoscar Hernandez contribute to a .215 team batting average that ranks last in MLB.
It’s all a long-winded way of saying what Mariners fans already know: the team is disappointing thus far. Its 4-9 record in one-run games is concerning and the new City Connect uniforms might reignite a mythological curse, but is there room for optimism?
After all, it’s only May and the Mariners were 29-39 at one point last year before righting the ship.
Even without Ray, the Mariners still have one of the deeper rotations in baseball, with top pitching prospects Bryce Miller and Emerson Hancock waiting in the wings.
Outfielder Jarred Kelenic looks like an all-star and Andres Munoz’s eventual return from the injured list solidifies one of baseball’s best bullpens.
Despite all that went wrong in April, a D-plus is still a passing grade. And as another Chris Farley character once said, “Well, ladi freakin’ da.”
There’s still 133 games to go, Mariners fans. Keep the faith.
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