Anger management in men: For many males getting furious is scary and unwanted but for some it’s routine

Men display anger in various ways. Mostly they use anger to mark a more vulnerable underlying emotion. For most men anger is uncomfortable, scary and unwanted. For others, it has become a regular part of life. Sometimes felt that one’s personality is angry. It is unhealthy to avoid or suppress anger. Avoiding or suppressing anger may cause consequences such as physical health deterioration to mental health issues to interpersonal issues to substance/alcohol dependence disorder.

Anger usually has a negative impact on how people see you, your relationship, your judgement and life.

Anger is an adrenaline rushed response to any threatening situation. It brings your attention to something that maybe upsetting, hurtful or frightening. For eg. If your boss gives a bad performance review in the meeting. You will assume that the boss doesn’t like me and is extremely favouring colleague. In your opinion you think that you deserve more. Filled with anger you may want to shout at your boss or pick up a fight with him/her.

Anger management help you spot the anger; it helps you find the vulnerable underlying emotion to which you used/ became angry. It helps you learn to address it in a manner that may lead to more productive outcomes for you.

Women are not the only victims of domestic violence. Men also face domestic violence, but it isn’t always easy to identify.

Domestic violence takes place between people who are or have been in close relationship. It can happen

In heterosexual as well as same sex relationship. Domestic violence can be emotional, sexual, physical abuse, stalling and threat of abuse.

An addiction is more than just an intense interest in something. It is a medical condition that brings a change in the brain and body and causes the person to feel compelled to continue doing the activity, even when doing may cause harm.

In addiction , the person feels/receives an intense rush of dopamine, causing feeling such as pleasure. Over a period of time, the body produces less dopamine and rely on that activity/behavior to feel the dopamine rush.

Pan addiction is highly rewarding in terms of dopamine. Hence using pornography may activate the dopamine system leading to addiction. Causes of porn addiction may include – relationship problems, underlying mental health conditions, unhealthy cultural norms or biological causes.

Hence seeking treatment for porn addiction may benefit addressing other issues such as relationship problems, sexual shame etc. People can opt for treatment strategies such as psychotherapy, relationship counselling, medication and lifestyle changes.

It may not be easy to recognize the domestic violence. Early in the relationship the partner may seem to be protective, caring generous in ways that later turn out to be frightening and controlling.

Abusive relationship is an imbalance of power and control. An abuser mostly may use hurtful words and behavior to control his/her partner.

How to recognise the domestic violence with men?

When your partner

• Insults you/puts you down
• Blames you for her violent behavior
• Hits, kicks, slaps or otherwise hurts you.
• Asks you to stop seeing your family members.
• Threatens you with a weapon
• Seek immediate help if you are facing domestic violence, speak to a friend, relative, co-worker or any advisor you trust. Counselling and support groups for people in abusive relationship are widely available.
• Partner violence cause physical, emotional and mental damage no matter who is at fault as it can have devastating effects.

The author is Consulting Psychologist, Masina Hospital, Mumbai. Views are personal.

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