The love affair between Ben Affleck and Dunkin’ Donuts is by now the stuff of legend—which made it utterly shocking when he and wife Jennifer Lopez were recently spotted [gasp] hitting up a Los Angeles–area Starbucks, in what Glamour described as a “betrayal” of his long-standing DD affinity.
It’s worth noting that Jen herself is more of a Starbucks girlie, at least if the giant bedazzled Starbucks cup she carried with her everywhere in her Netflix documentary is any indication, but does that mean Ben is now a Starbucks man by association? Will the Dunkin’ stock plummet? Will angry Bostonians in scally caps litter the Boston Harbor with Dunkin’ coffee cups and doughnut containers in protest?
And now, the real question: Why do I care where two celebs get coffee? A totally fair query, which I can only answer by saying that (a) I am not well, and (b) after driving across half the country solo this month, I am nothing if not loyal to my coffee mega-brand of choice, which just so happens to be Starbucks. Do I wish the company would stop union-busting? Absolutely, but when you’re setting out from Santa Fe or Phoenix or some tiny town in Texas at 6 a.m., your eyes are tiny and red from driving long-distance the night before, and you just need good old-fashioned caffeine (or, in my case, a venti peppermint mocha to slowly sip at all day, don’t judge me), their early hours, reliable drive-thru options, and surprisingly good breakfast sandwiches absolutely hit.
All of that said, I have to admit that I still feel some weird sense of deflation at the thought of Ben Affleck, pride of Boston and king of Dunkies, sipping from a…Starbucks cup. I would never blame Jennifer for his defection; after all, sometimes new—or newly rekindled—love begets change, and God knows if there’s one thing a solid couple needs, it’s a go-to coffee source that everyone can enjoy without disagreement. (Bit by bit, I had to get my partner used to the fact that I require at least two coffees a day, one immediately upon waking and one espresso-based “treat coffee” in the afternoon, so I get it.)
Does all this spell the end of Ben, Jen, and Dunkin’? Not necessarily, but I’ve thought it over, and I’m now willing and ready to welcome Ben to the Starbies fold. Pull up a chair and grab a frappucino so sweet it makes you temporarily lose control of your faculties, Ben. Just keep your nose clean, tip handsomely, and please don’t order a cake pop if it’s the only one left in the display case; you are extremely hot and rich and famous, and other people need it more than you. (It’s called dessert socialism, look it up.) I love brand loyalty, but at the end of the day, I love true love even more.
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