Teams should be outlawed from wearing black

The Philadelphia Eagles’ black alternates are stupid. There’s a lot that’s stupid about the Eagles, and I recognize the risk of making that statement when they’re 10-1 and their faithful lurk around every corner with a thought to share, but one cannot ignore the truth.

With the kelly green of yesteryear just sitting in the closet instead of a basis for an alternate, it is simply unacceptable. Choosing to use black in any fashion, if not part of a team’s color scheme, is lazy, boring, and appeals to people who don’t get the point of The Punisher.

Same goes for Team Canada. Sunday was a good day to see teams that have no business wearing black. It’s probably why Canada got their shit kicked in by Croatia. Canada’s hockey teams do this on the reg, too, wear black. Black never appears in the Canadian flag. If the hockey team wants to wear black it can do so when it mourns the dissolution of Hockey Canada. Except that won’t be a sorrowful event, so that’s out, too. If they want to wear black to mourn all the survivors Hockey Canada has silenced or ignored or allowed to be victims in the first place by others who have worn the Canada jersey, that might be closer to the point.

We live in the era of 4K TV. Colors should pop and fizz. Look at how a game between the Chargers and Chiefs sizzles off the screen. The era of everyone wanting to look like they work for Blackwater is over. Take the five minutes of thought and come up with something better.

Here’s a list of teams that can wear black in their main unis or in an alternate, because black is part of their original color scheme:

• Boston Bruins
• Ottawa Senators
• New Jersey Devils — but only kinda because they should go back to the Christmas tree scheme
• Pittsburgh Penguins
• Philadelphia Flyers — but don’t ever when orange is always an option
• The LA Kings — are also barred because they need to go back to purple and gold
• Brooklyn Nets — but only because no one cares
• Chicago Bulls
• Miami Heat — but only because no one cares
• Portland Trail Blazers
• San Antonio Spurs
• Las Vegas Raiders
• Cincinnati Bengals
• Pittsburgh Steelers
• Atlanta Falcons
• Carolina Panthers — only because no one cares
• Chicago White Sox

That’s it. That’s the list. If you’re not on it, come up with something better and live a little.

All the Love

There are going to be a lot of annoying themes around the Green Bay Packers, Aaron Rodgers, and Jordan Love the next week. More so than usual, which is hard to do when it comes to the Packers and Rodgers but one of his multiple Hall-of-Fame qualities is the way in which he and the team push each other to find new and heightened ways to bug the piss out of everyone else. This year they’ve upped the ante of doing so while the team sucks utter shit, which is better than most drugs for a majority of the football-watching world.

Here’s one:

To be clear, Aaron Rodgers is due to make $100 million over the next two years. He wet his bed and several others’ the past two years so he could get that contract. Somehow it’s just a touch hard to believe that he’s just going to walk away from that contract.

Second, Jordan Love is going to get a crack at the Chicago Bears’ defense next week, which would be ice cream for a cross-eyed mule at this point. He’ll have a good game. Probably a very good one. Does that mean that the Packers are going to continue their QB lineage into a fourth decade? No, no it does not. But you’ll hear it.

What we can all root for is that Rodgers does miss the rest of the season (there’s little point in him playing now), Love looks pretty good and starts just a section of cheeseheads to start wanting him to take over as the starter. Given the rabbit ears that Rodgers has attuned to everything, it’s guaranteed that will start a soap opera of epic proportions. Suddenly reports of trade rumors to Indianapolis or San Francisco can start again, strangely from those in the media Rodgers is known to be close with.

Temporary pain for long-term gain, folks.