But those side effects weren’t even the most challenging part of the experience. When my mother first got sick, I was six years old, and I assumed it was my fault—that somehow my bad behavior had caused this cancer. It was a foolish thought, but a real one for a child. I never shared this feeling with other members of my family, but for years, I felt the guilt that if I had been better behaved or gotten better grades, my mother would have had less stress and the cancer wouldn’t have recurred. At 56, I find myself seeking a similar causality, however flawed and irrational, searching for what I did wrong to cause the disease. This is one of the biggest challenges of fighting cancer: managing the trauma that comes with it.
My mother battled cancer for 10 years, and for 10 years, my family didn’t talk about it. It was a secret that we didn’t share outside of close family. I now feel that this made the ordeal, and the distress that came with it, so much worse. At 56, I have come to recognize, for me at least, talking about it in the open takes some of the fear—and believe it or not, a feeling of shame—away.
But also, it’s imperative that we talk about cancer treatment so that we normalize the procedures that can prevent cancer from taking root in the first place. For me, and I imagine for many who have lost people to breast cancer, October brings a certain sense of dread as the ubiquitous pink ribbons remind us of lost loved ones. Yet for all the discomfort the month elicits, I recognize and embrace the importance of these symbols if they prompt a single person to schedule a mammogram. A colonoscopy saved my life. The latest estimates show that worldwide, cancer screenings during the pandemic decreased 35.6 percent for breast cancer, 41.8 percent for colorectal cancer, and 54.1 percent for cervical cancer. It’s time for everyone to get back to the doctor for a check-up.
They say you see everything differently when you experience cancer. For me, the diagnosis has given me the opportunity to stop replaying every mistake I made, or thought I made, when I was laser-focused on moving forward. Cancer is a difficult experience in so many ways—and a lonely one, even for those of us who are blessed to have love and support as we face it. If you know someone fighting this disease, offer encouragement—even if it feels hard to know the right thing to say. A friendly, comforting conversation is medicine all of its own.
Christine C. Quinn is the President and C.E.O. of Win, the largest provider of shelter, social services and supportive housing for homeless families in New York City. She served as New York City Council Speaker from 2006-2013, the city’s first female and openly gay speaker.
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