His/Her: ”My husband forces me to go to the temple with his family and I am not ok with it” – Times of India

Her story: I just recently got married to my boyfriend of 4 years. I knew how his family functions, he knew mine and everything has been out there in the open except one issue that keeps cropping up. My husband forces me to go to the temple every other day with his family. I am not an atheist but when it comes to God and faith, I feel that it should come from the heart rather than just visiting a place without feeling the right things. When I questioned him, he spoke about our neighbours judging us if we do not go, and that it will hurt his parents too. I do not believe in putting up a facade like this just to please people I do not know. My one-on-one with God is a private thing! Why should I be forced to fake it? I want to go to the temple when I want to, not because I have to! This has become a major issue between my husband and me and he has started calling me an atheist! It is hurtful, and I need a solution to this. Please help.

His story: My wife is an independent woman and this is one reason I fell for her. But post-marriage things change, responsibilities step up and I feel that she should adapt to the practices in her marital home. My parents and I have been visiting the temple nearby every alternate day. My parents have a lot of faith in that temple. Now that my wife has come into the picture, I want her to follow these customs. But she argues that she will do it only when her heart wants to. My neighbours have noticed this and even questioned my mom once. My parents have expressed their disappointment. I don’t understand what is the harm in going to a place of faith? We fight a lot over this now and I might have said things out of anger that are not right but… We need help! Please guide us.

AiR Atman in Ravi, Spiritual leader and Founder of AiR Institute of Realization and AiR Center of Enlightenment

Reply to Him: Marriage is not me, it is we. One must think before one ties a knot. But having tied the knot, one must try to make it work. No doubt a woman is expected to adapt to a new home, but we must also respect that she has grown up with certain habits and it is incorrect to compel her to do things which she doesn’t believe in and doesn’t want to follow from within. Will anybody stop going to the temple if she tells them so? Live and let live — this is what life is about and adjustments should be made from both sides. When it comes to God, we must use our intellect and realize the truth. God is not just in the temple, God is everywhere, in everything. There is no place where God is not. Going to the temple and following rituals is an individual choice. The truth is that we must treat everybody as God. One must be happy that one’s partner is in sync with them, and one must be proactive in finding a loving solution. Anger is not a solution. It will only destroy peace for which we are trying to go to the temple. With love, anything is possible.

For Her: Marriage is not me, it is we. Imagine if you were forced to do something that you hate. That is difficult. But if you believe in God anyway, then what is the harm in going to the temple? It need not be every time, but one has to strike a balance to make a marriage work. Remember, God is everywhere, in everything, not just in the temple. There is no place where God is not. All living beings have Atman, the Spirit or the Soul and the Soul is none other than Paramatman, the Divine – the Supreme Immortal Power. Most importantly, we cannot lose our peace, and in a marriage, it is all about taking two steps forward, not two steps back. Both partners must come forward to make it work.

Vishal Bhardwaj, Founder and Relationship Coach, at Predictions For Success

Religion and spirituality are two subjects that look similar but are very different. Spirituality is an umbrella under which religions take shade. Hence, it’s absolutely possible for a person to be spiritual and yet not religious. It is important to understand the major difference that spirituality connects to the people whereas people connect to the religion. This case speaks to the misconception and wrong learning about being religious and spiritual.

For Her: You are absolutely right about following the ‘spirituality’ that connects to you. You should connect to the supreme absolutely like how you like and see it; there is literally nothing right or wrong in it. Especially in Hinduism, we have so many different ways to connect to the god and idol worship is just one of the most common of it (hence people think that’s the only way). Whether it’s through trees, animals, rivers, mountains or even yourself (meditation of soul); Hinduism welcomes you to connect to the god with the way you like.

However, I would recommend you to be sensitive about your family’s belief and not question it because as I discussed above – “it’s a personal journey to connect to the god. Your own route, your own conveyance, and your own convenience.”

For Him: The purpose of worshiping is to connect to the god, and undoubtedly not about ‘impressing’ other worshipers. Till the time your partner is not disturbing or questioning your belief and practices, I will strongly recommend you to let her follow her journey of spirituality herself.

Let her explore and maybe one day she will find a good reason (even if not religious) to accompany you to temple or other religious places. Forcing her to do it will only push her away because of you and religiously speaking, that’s the worst you can do to your religion.

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