The pre-game on FOX ridiculously started at noon. And we’ve been here the entire time. You didn’t miss anything until approximately 5:30 pm ET, when FOX aired the first Snackin’ with the Stars ad.
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Snackin’ with the Stars
Snackin’ with the Stars
Okay, the one with Snoop in Martha Stewart’s fridge to get the goat cheese platter was funnier. But still, we looked forward to who would open the fridge next every time it closed.
Whatever this was
This was notable mainly for how terrible it was. Who is writing these things?
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Damar Hamlin and the health care workers who saved him
Damar Hamlin and the health care workers who saved him
He hugged every single person. Cancel the game. Nothing tonight offers is going to beat this moment.
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Eagles fans booed the Walter Payton Man of the Year
Eagles fans booed the Walter Payton Man of the Year
Okay, it’s because it was Dak. But still. How many Eagles fans are at this thing?
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Sheryl Lee Ralph singing Lift Every Voice and Sing
Sheryl Lee Ralph singing Lift Every Voice and Sing
Mostly we enjoyed it because of 1) how much Sheryl Lee Ralph deserves the moment she’s having and 2) because it makes Lauren Boebert really, really mad.
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Chris Stapleton’s National Anthem
Chris Stapleton’s National Anthem
(Elaine Benes voice) What. Is with. The tears, Eagles? Someone go give your coach a hug.
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Jalen Hurts announcing his presence with authority
Jalen Hurts announcing his presence with authority
The Eagles’ offense moved the ball at will and got on into the end zone and on the board with 10:10 left on the clock in the first quarter. After all the doubters Hurts has had to deal with in his short career, it’s time for the shuttin’ up to begin.
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The Ben Affleck Dunkin’ commercial
The Ben Affleck Dunkin’ commercial
This actually makes us feel better about all those pics we saw of Ben working the drive thru. We has assumed it was a side gig.
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The Chiefs responding to the first score with a TD of their own
The Chiefs responding to the first score with a TD of their own
This one’s gonna be a shootout.
Hey, did you know Travis Kelce’s brother is also playing in this Super Bowl?
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We got a new Indiana Jones trailer
We got a new Indiana Jones trailer
On a related note, very upset that Raiders of the Lost Ark only has 3.5 stars on Uverse’s info screen. If Raiders isn’t considered a 4-star movie, what are you even looking for?
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This was the best ad in the first quarter
This was the best ad in the first quarter
Mostly because it had all of Gen X/Xennials squealing about how great Cher (Alicia Silverstone) and Amber (Lisa Adaline Donovan) look. DC t
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Brittney Griner was cheering on Philly
Brittney Griner was cheering on Philly
The Doink
Harrison Butker pulling a Cody Parkey. In the Super Bowl. YIKES. Would have put the Chiefs up 10-7.
The AJ Brown TD
45 yards and damn, was it pretty.
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DC using Michael Keaton to make us not look at Ezra Miller
DC using Michael Keaton to make us not look at Ezra Miller
This isn’t going to work, DC. We can just stay home and watch Michael Keaton play Batman in movies with less-problematic co-stars. Like Mr. Mom and Night Shift.
The fumble recovery TD
Jalen Hurts just dropped it and Nick Bolton happened to be in exactly the right place at the right time. Chiefs tie it up with 9:39 left in the 1st half.
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Jalen Hurt’s second QB sneak of the first half (!!)
Jalen Hurt’s second QB sneak of the first half (!!)
And the crowd was chanting “MVP! MVP!”
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Google’s “Fixed on Pixel” ad
Google’s “Fixed on Pixel” ad
If only we’d had this in time for my friends’ Minnesota wedding and the jet skiers in jorts who pulled up to watch.
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Patrick Mahomes’ reaggravates the ankle injury
Patrick Mahomes’ reaggravates the ankle injury
Anyone who’s ever had a high ankle sprain felt this one deeply. After the trainers worked on him, Mahomes was up and on the sidelines a few plays later.
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Eagles’ field goal to end the half
Eagles’ field goal to end the half
Eagles lead 24-14 at the half and now it’s time for tonight’s main event – Rihanna.
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This is RiRi’s world and we’re all just living in it
This is RiRi’s world and we’re all just living in it
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