For some people, “cellar door” is the most beautiful combination of words to be found in the English language; for me, it’s “Greta Gerwig’s Barbie.” It’s rare that I decide I’m going to absolutely ride for a movie before actually having seen it, but Gerwig won my heart with her 2019 reinterpretation of Little Women; she could direct a three-hour magnum opus about how cardboard is made, and I’d watch it repeatedly. Luckily, her spin on the Barbie story, which stars Margot Robbie, Ryan Gosling, Hari Nef, Issa Rae, and Michael Cera (among many others), seems a lot more engaging than that. Below, find every thought I had about the recently released Barbie trailer.
- God, I love to see the WB logo turned pink.
- Barbie Land? You mean The Madonna Inn?
- We need to bring back shoes with a little flamingo-pink pouf at the toe.
- Actually, I wore a pair of those as part of my fembot costume this Halloween and they were viciously uncomfortable, but still.
- A beach with pink sand??? Is this a Lana Del Rey song?
- A bleach-blonde Gosling looks like he’s going through a breakup and deep in his feelings, and I love it.
- Barbie’s candy-pink vision of a Los Angeles-type city (I think?) looks cute as hell, but I’m laughing at the fact that it still includes freeways. I thought this was utopia!
- I’m now realizing that Gosling’s hair is more bluish-white than bleached, making him look vaguely like a Ken doll mashed up with an alien.
- Is this movie finally going to acknowledge the fact that nobody in the Barbie-verse has genitals? Those smooth areas messed me up as a kid!
- Hey, it’s Will Ferrell!
- Gosling winking and chewing gum in a denim vest is very lesbian-coded in a way that works for me.
- Oh, wow, so everyone cool in Hollywood is in this movie.
- How does Robbie manage to look good in a beret?
- Michael Cera as a devious redhead…is interesting.
- “Beach me off” is about to become a new part of our cultural lexicon, just watch.
- I am going to see this movie four times in theaters.
- At a minimum.
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